He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
