plz talk dirty to me
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize