Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There's always time for handjobs
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
