the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Randomize
