After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
