just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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