my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
