the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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