I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
