ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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