There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my sisters under your porch take her home
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
