very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
