I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize