Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
