i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
