What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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