Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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