No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
