If that was your dad, he is hot
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
