last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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