I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
