I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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