So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
