Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
