according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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