I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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