Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
