im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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