I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
