Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Randomize
