She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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