i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
