So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
