Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
