my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
