I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
