for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
