I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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