I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
