You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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