how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
