Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
