he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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