I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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