if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
