I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
