So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
