she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We are two peas in an std pod
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize