Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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