so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
