She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
