rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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