some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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