I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I lost the right to judge tonight
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
