Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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