My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
