u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
