I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
