Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
