i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Randomize
