Cold hands, warm shart.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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