We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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