I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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