quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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