When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
