I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize