i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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