what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
