my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
