He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
