the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
