something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
