I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
