i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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