Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
