There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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